How British Are You? Maybe More Than You Think

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How British Are You? – Take the quiz at the end

Ever wonder how British are you? As someone who is originally from the UK I am constantly told how British I am. This is usually after I said something to be met with blank faces and realize I *gasp* called the oven the cooker and now my friends are rolling around laughing at how absurd that is. You know what, it cooks food! Makes perfect sense to me. You don’t oven food, do you?! I promised I wasn’t going to do this, I apologize. But when you hear everyone repeating words back to you in a bad version of your accent on a daily basis, you’ll understand.

Anyway, now I live in Canada I often wonder what being British actually means, besides the different words. So I did a little bit of British soul searching right down to my Anglo roots and pulled out a few gems that I think really might sum up the best signs you’re British (or could be an honorary Brit).

Just How British Are You?

I know I can definitely relate to them, and I think there’s probably more than a few other people out there who are going to read this and say “Oh my God, that’s totally me”. Actually, scrap that. That was very North American of me. Let’s try that again. “Good golly, you’ve hit the nail on the head there”. Much better.

So whether you are British and relate to these, or you want to be able to act more British (hey, it’s not called Great Britain for no reason), then read on. Likewise if you have a British friend who you’re just not really understanding (don’t worry, it happens), this might help you understand a bit more about why they are the way they are. At the very least these are at least a few stereotypes that might ring true.

How British Are You? – Take the quiz at the end

Top Signs You Might Be British

We don’t all know the Queen and live for football but a lot of British stereotypes do hold up. But this isn’t just about the usual stereotypes. It’s about the fundamental roots of what being British is all about. The awkwardness, the humor, and our opinions on things that other’s don’t seem to care about. Here are some of the top signs you’re British, or how to act British if you want to fool people.

Drinking a lot of tea

This might be the biggest stereotype out there, but you’ll find many Brits nodding along with this one. While I’m not a big tea drinker my Mum believes nothing can’t be solved by a lovely cuppa. Too cold? Better have a cup of tea. Too hot? Best have a cup a tea. Had a bad day? Cup of tea. You get the idea. So if you need to know how British are you, just think about how many cups of tea you’ve had today.

Read about my afternoon tea experience in the English Lake District here

Having irrationally strong opinions on seemingly unimportant things

Sticking with the tea idea, there isn’t a more divisive question than when making a cup of tea, do you put the milk in first or last? Divide the room instantly and risk never speaking to your great gran again if you find out she’s making it the wrong way. Want to start World War III with a fellow Brit? Ask if they put butter on the toast before the jam and then say the opposite of whatever they go with! The correct answer is YES. I’m British, I love butter, therefore it’s spread thickly on every baked good.

Spend at least a third of every conversation talking about the weather

It’s the opening line with those you love and those you barely know. When faced with awkward silences, nothing eases the tension than the statement that it looks like it might rain. The world is OK again once you’ve gotten past the weather conversation, only for it to be brought back when you’ve run out of things to say again. Your activities of the day will be weather dependent, so make sure to explain this in great detail when talking about your impending day.

A summer’s day waits for no man

On a scale of one to pass me the aloe vera, how British are you? You’ll know as soon as you get the first “hot” day of the year (as in, above 15 degrees). The shorts and tank top are on and you’re sitting in the back garden with your sunglasses on complaining it’s too hot. Those with freckles or red hair will constantly remind you that they need to stay out of the sun or risk “looking like a lobster” (I can say this as this fully describes me). But when the sun is out, so are the Brits, because you worry that this might be the one nice day of the year so by gum you’re going to make the most of it.

Responding to questions with questions

Being British means never having to give a straight answer. Along with our weather talk over a hot beverage, the one other thing you don’t get wrong is how to answer the phrase “You alright?”. Don’t be mistaken, the answer is not yes. The correct response is “You alright?”. Thus ending the niceties beginning every interaction whether you’re popping round your friend’s house or bumping into an acquaintance you weren’t able to avoid in the street.

Going out of your way to avoid small talk

If there’s one thing that makes a Brit more anxious than a dog going to the vet it’s the prospect of an awkward interaction. The two biggest offenders: seeing someone you know in the supermarket; and following someone through a door that turns out to be a never-ending series of doors.

In the first situation, you know that you will run into that person in every aisle of Sainsbury’s so you must take extreme measures and pretend to look at items you’re not interested in to put enough distance between you. The second situation involves having to think up a series of gratitude words as they hold every door open for you. “Thank you”, “Thanks”, “Cheers”, “Much obliged”. Why are there so many doors?!

Sending back food

If you’re wondering how British are you, ask yourself if you’d do this? We will complain that the food is wrong, but the minute the server asks “Is everything OK?” we will inexplicably answer happily “lovely, thank you” no matter what God awful slop we’re ingesting. Finally being able to send food back at the age of 35 was a defining moment in my assimilation to North American life. It was followed by me not being able to eat the correct dish when it came back because I felt bad. Baby steps.

Avoid inferior biscuits at all costs

Every Brit can recite their top 5 biscuit choices with a second’s notice. Dunkability is huge. Can’t have a sub-standard biscuit ruining your well-earned cup of tea by breaking off on the second dunk. You need a stable biscuit like a Digestive, a Rich Tea (clue’s in the name) or a Ginger Nut if you’re feeling wild. Everyone has a favorite British biscuit, and if it’s anything other than a Jammie Dodger then they’re wrong.

Scoff at bad imitation British food

Picture this. While dining at a North American cafe I discover crumpets on the menu. Child-like excitement ensues, only to be dismayed when said “crumpet” arrives and is roughly the thickness of a pancake. Unacceptable. But of course I can’t send it back so I quietly eat my slice of buttered cardboard and reply “lovely, thank you” when asked how it is. All the while plotting the death of the person who deemed this flavorless morsel worthy of being called a crumpet. How British are you? Too much to take on the Russian roulette of the food ordering. The best thing I can say about ordering British food not in Britain, is DON’T.

Apologize for everything

We’re nothing if not polite (to your face). Say sorry even when someone bumps into you. Apologize for things you have no control of, then apologize for saying sorry too much. It’s a tough cross to bear but we Brits are nothing if not awkwardly apologetic. Also weirdly enough saying “Excuse me” to get past someone has the opposite effect. In North America people say “Excuse me” to get past. I know they’re being polite but in Britain “Excuse me” in this way basically means “You’re in my way. Move”.

Using 20 words when 5 will do

A British sentence will take so many detours on the way to the point that we’ll have to stop for a break. In an effort to be suitably polite, a simple query of “Can I borrow your (insert item here)?” does not suffice. Instead it’s something more like “Excuse me, would it be possible to, if it isn’t too much trouble, um…perhaps please borrow, just for a little while, I’ll get it back to you this afternoon, but I actually need, you see I forgot my umbrella, and well of course it’s raining isn’t it because of course it wasn’t when I left the house so I didn’t even bring a coat, and I have to get home now because…I’m far to British to make small talk any longer”. How British are you? If you’ve lost the attention of the person you’re talking to, the answer is probably very.

Being so polite that things take twice as long

Picture this: you’re walking down the street and you get to the road. You go to cross. But there’s a car coming. You stop and wave them on. They stop and wave you on. “Go ahead” they indicate, “I’ll wait for you”. “No, no, I insist, you go first”. This goes on for a while. You realize you’ve missed meals. People are searching for you as you haven’t been home in hours. In fact you’re still only 100 meters from your house. Sound familiar? Apparently my driving is too British for the city over here in Canada. I spend the whole time giving way to countless cars that I’m further back in the queue than where I started. Good thing we Brits like a good queue!

Remember to take a reusable water bottle with you on your travels, like this one from FastTech

Relentlessly making fun of those you love

The politeness doesn’t last for too long after we form friendships with people. All of sudden you’re taking the piss out of someone (poking fun) for every little thing they do. You cringe when someone witnesses you do something mildly awkward or silly. Not because you’re embarrassed for too long, but because you know your friend is going to recount this story until the day you die. With friends, you believe all compliments are just sarcasm so that when, like me, your Canadian friend says “nice jacket” you immediately shout back “haha, nice hair, is it windy out?…oh, you actually like my jacket?…um, thank you”.

Clapping when someone does something stupid

As an extension of making fun of your friends, you are accustomed to also making fun of complete strangers in public should they “deserve it”. If you’re in a bar and someone drops a drink, you’ll be able to find the Brits straight away because they’ll all be the ones standing up clapping. We mean no harm, it’s all in jest.

Your food isn’t understood by anyone

It will take a lot of convincing to have people understand the food we think is so good. But why even try. Hey, more for us right? No non-Brit will ever understand the satisfaction of a really good dinner of beans on toast, why we have the equivalent of Christmas dinner every Sunday (roast dinners are amazing so why wouldn’t you?).

And don’t even get people started on the likes of Yorkshire pudding or why we have an entire day dedicated to pancakes (and not the fluffy American diner kind). But we know what we like, and we will go out of our way for a packet of Monster Munch and some good British chocolate. Because let’s face it, North American chocolate doesn’t hold a candle to our Cadbury’s and Galaxy.

You’re proud to be British

You hear God Save the Queen and tears start welling up. Mostly because this can only mean that it’s World Cup season again and you know you’re summer’s going to end in disappointment. But you still cheer on your team with patriotic pride. Every Beatles song, Union Jack flag and whiff of a Full English breakfast will have you beaming with national pride. And as you hear the first bar of Wonderwall, you’ll be hugging your mates and excitedly getting ready to belt out every single word of that iconic British song. Despite having lived in Canada for 10 years and even being Canadian for the last 4, I will still go full on Northern when my heritage is questioned as I proudly say “I’m British”.

How British Are You? – Take the quiz at the end

Here are some amazing places to visit in the United Kingdom that are not London

Keep Calm and Carry On

If you’re ever asking yourself just how British are you, think about if you’ve ever said to someone Keep Calm and Carry On. The most unbelievably British outlook on life, it’s more than just a meme. It’s a way of life. The wartime motto sums up how the British typically deal with bad situations. Funnily enough talking to my parents recently about the Coronavirus outbreak (and the fact I’m so far away in Canada) they reminded me that I’m British and to Keep Calm and Carry On.

Great Britain might not be big but you can’t say its people aren’t passionate about their homeland. We like things a certain way, and are at times often over-particular about what we like. Tea, weather, conversation, food, manners. We have a unique way to deal with all of it. So if you want to fit in with your British mates, just try some of these things and you’ll fit right in. And now you’ve had time to digest some of the traits of the people of the British Isles, the small yet mighty nation, I have to ask:

How British are you? Take the quiz at the end to find out

If you’ve enjoyed this post leave a comment or share using the social media buttons below. What are your most British qualities?